“Becoming a mother in my teenage years. Happy Mother’s Day”

When you hear the phrase “Happy Mother’s Day,” what feeling comes over you? For me, it’s a mixture. I am blessed to have three beautiful children. Each pregnancy brought on different emotions and challenges. Each pregnancy was a different experience. For this month’s blog, I want to share my experience of pregnancy as a teenage mother.

For my oldest, I was a teenage mother. All my life, I was an honor roll student. I’d dreamed of becoming an obstetrician/gynecologist. At that time, there were no African American ob/gynecologist in Tupelo, Mississippi. I wanted to be the first one. I’d applied at different colleges, but I really wanted to attend Xavier University in New Orleans, Louisiana. My life took a turn, and all my plans changed. My senior year of high school, I got pregnant.

My cycle was regular. Two months went by, and I knew that I might be pregnant. One night, I bought some pregnancy test. My fears came true. I was pregnant, and I was afraid to tell my parents. I had certain expectations from my parents and standards to uphold. I felt that I’d let them and my church down by becoming pregnant. At the time, I was petite. I was able to hide my pregnancy for months. I was young and didn’t understand about prenatal care.

Someone that was a big sister to me knew that I was pregnant. My child’s father mentioned it to her during a conversation they had. She had children. She knew that I needed to go to the doctor. One night, she called my mom and told her that she needed to have a conversation with me because I was pregnant. When my mom asked me, initially, I denied it. My oldest brother, Juan, was attending college at Mississippi State University. I called him and told him. I was crying and told him I scared to tell our parents. He gave me support and encouragement to tell them it was true. At that moment, I was mad that she’d told her. Because she told her, it did allow me to stop walking around with a secret.

I went back to their room and confirmed that I was indeed pregnant. They were not upset for me not telling them. Instead, they were more disappointed that I didn’t tell them earlier. They’d wished that I’d told them sooner. The next day, my mom called her doctor to have me added as his patient. I began to receive prenatal care for my child growing inside.They were very supportive of me.

May 1995, I graduated with honors. As my friends went off to college, I would be home for a few months. I’d applied for the University of Mississippi and gotten accepted in. My due date was October 5, 1995. I would start school the following spring semester.

As the months went on, my daughter was growing inside. I felt her kicking. It was such an amazing feeling knowing that she was growing and developing. I was having Braxton Hicks. Every visit, I dilated. I was nervous because I wondered what real contractions felt like. I was nervous about the pain. I was nervous because I wanted to be a good mom. I was nervous because I would soon responsible for a little human.

September 30, I was outside on the phone with my ex. The pains were stronger and coming sooner. I told him that I think I might be in labor. I got off the phone with him and went to the house to tell my mother. She told me to time the amount of minutes in between each contraction. This time, the contractions were real. I was in labor.

I took a shower and got dressed. My mother and I headed to the hospital. My ex met us there. I was scared of delivery. I didn’t know what to expect. The contraction pains got stronger. I begged for an epidural. By the time they came back to check on me, I’d fully dilated. It was time to push.

My total labor was around six hours. October 1, 1995, I birthed a beautiful, healthy baby girl. She weighed almost nine pounds.

Being a first time mom and teenage mom wasn’t easy. Being a mother doesn’t come with a handbook. Yes, there are books that have suggestions, but each child is different. No book can teach you about your child. People have suggestions on what to do and what not to do. I made mistakes, and I still make them. I did the best that I could.

It’s 2024, and a lot of people in society put shame on teenage parents. Before you look down at a teenage mother, you should stop because it takes a son to help get her pregnant. There are a lot of teenagers that are having sex. There were a lot in my school that were, but they didn’t get pregnant. A lot of them even had abortions. That teenage girl or teenage son could be your child. Never judge someone because that judgement could fall on your home.

Both set of maternal and paternal grandparents were very supportive of us. They never made us feel bad that we were teenage parents.

People might try to make teenagers feel that they will not succeed because they are teenage parents, but that’s not true. Your path might change. It might take longer, but it can be done. You have to continue to believe in yourself. I graduated from college, but it was many years later. When my daughter was two, I started my career in banking and stayed in banking for 25 years. I had a successful career. For the last two years, I’ve been a teacher, and I love it.

Later, I had two more children, another girl and boy. All my children have been a blessing to me. I know there are a lot of women that desire motherhood. I’m blessed to have been able to birth them. Children are a blessing. It doesn’t matter how they get here.