“I stopped looking for a 90’s kind of love and started loving myself”

“Real love. I’m searching for a real love. Someone to set my heart free. Real love. I’m searching for a real love.” Whenever this song comes on, I’m singing to the top of my lungs because that’s the type of love I was longing for in my life.

My divorce was finalized January 2013. It’s been 13 years, and I haven’t dated much. I tried online dating and different apps a few times. Those didn’t work for me either. I took a pause on dating. One day, this guy slid in my dm.

He wasn’t the first guy that’s been in my inbox, but it was the words he spoke. His words were like the 90’s R&B song. His words had me floating on cloud nine.

I’ll never forget the very first time that we spoke on the phone. We were on the phone five hours straight. The only reason why we finally got off was because I had to go to work the next day.

We talked about our future. We talked about him relocating and moving to Florida. He was researching houses and jobs here. Trips were planned for us to spend more time together. It was pure bliss.

He worked third shift. We’d talk the entire time on his way to work. Each night, we would talk his entire break. Even though it was early morning when he got off, we’d talk a few minutes discussing how the shift was. On the weekends, he was off. We’d FaceTime all weekend long.

After several months, things began to change. The calls headed to work would be right before he pulled in. We barely talked during his break. Weekend calls were almost nonexistent. When I asked him about it, he said that the company was getting stricter about phone policy at work. When I asked about the morning calls, his excuse was that he didn’t want to wake me up. I gave him an excuse for the weekend because he was a heavy drinker. There were times when we’d talk, and he’d be slurring his words. I told myself that he was probably drunk. Chileeee please. The switch up happened because there were someone else in his life.

One day, I called him as I was on my way to my part time job. He didn’t answer. He texted back and told me he could no longer be in a relationship with me. He said he could no longer do long distance relationship, and he’d found someone else. He said for me not to call him because he wouldn’t answer.

I responded back with a few choice words that I won’t repeat. To put it nicely, I asked him who did he think he was. I wasn’t going to chase after him.

I’d given him my heart. Our future looked promising. He told me he would never do me that way, but he did. I was devastated. I cried for months. I lost sleep. I was stalking his Facebook page. I was comparing myself to the new woman. I depressed, but I had to let it go. I wanted normalcy and peace within my soul.

He wasn’t worth my peace. I had several therapy sessions about the relationship. I removed him from my friend list on social media. The baecation birthday trip turned to a solo birthday trip. I had the best time in one of my favorite cities. I took all time I needed and healed for me.

Guess what? He slid back in my dm’s and asked for another chance. I told him he’d never have the opportunity to break my heart a second chance.

Valentine’s Day use to have me in my feelings as a single person. I was not envious of what someone else had. I didn’t cry and ask God why am I alone this year. I didn’t avoid watching romance movies or reading one of my romance novels. I can truly say that I have peace in my life. I love myself more and more each day. Loving myself allowed me not to let him back in.

I haven’t given up on love. Love is a beautiful thing. Marriage is a beautiful experience. This time, I’m trusting in God. God removed him out of my life. Because He is making sure I’m the woman that I need to be whenever He sends me my real love. 💛💛💛💛