“Find your village”

Beyonce’ sings, “who runs the world? Girls?” Women, really, do run the world. Often times, we are overlooked, overworked, overwhelmed, unappreciated, and underpaid. We are mothers, daughters, sisters, aunts, nieces, cousins, grandmothers, bosses, entrepreneurs, and much more. Each of these roles have different meanings for every woman. March is recognized as Women’s History Month. This blog goes out to all the women of the world. 🌎

There never seems to be enough time in the day to get it all done. It doesn’t matter how early we wake up; it is something that wasn’t done during the 24 hours. The demands and expectations of women are exhausting. Society expects us to be “Superwoman.” Some will say, she needs to cook breakfast for her children before she goes to work. Others say, if she is a mother that gives them the pop tart or something quick, she’s criticized for not providing her children with a hot meal. If she returns to work after having a newborn, some people in society make her feel bad for returning. If she stays at home, some in society “assume” that she is not doing anything because she is a stay at home mom. The criticism doesn’t end, and women are trying to live up to the expectations of people that don’t even matter in their lives.

If the children are involved in after school activities, the day doesn’t end. She has to pick up her child/children from school or after school location. Then, they are in route to the activity. After the activity, they arrive home. Sometimes, there is homework to still be done, baths to be given, and meal to still be prepared. Regardless, if she is a stay at home mother or in the work environment, what time has she spent for herself? To answer the question, it leaves very little time.

Men don’t mind playing golf, shooting basketball, going fishing, getting haircuts, playing flag football, or going to the cigar lounge with their friends and leaving their family at home. It is women that think that we have to do everything with our children (getting groceries, going shopping, going to the salon, etc). Why do we think that we can’t do the same as men? A lot of it is because of what society has taught us or the way we were raised (our culture and environment). We have a feeling of guilt when we have alone time, but women need to have alone time as well.

It is important to have alone time. Alone time can be getting a massage, a manicure, a pedicure, a facial, going to the movies, going to the library, going to see your therapist, reading a book, journaling, or whatever makes you happy. Alone time increases mental strength, creates happiness, and helps you get to know yourself better. https://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2017/08/05/7-science-backed-reasons-you-should-spend-more-time-alone/?sh=69d8e06c1b7e . Leaving little time for yourself is the complete opposite. Having little time for oneself could lead to a feeling of being burnt out, anxiety, and depression.

Women are walking around with anxiety/depression and don’t even know it. Some of the symptoms are sleep disturbances, sadness, changes in appetite, lack of energy, or mood swings. There are many more. Statistics show that women are twice as likely to experience anxiety or depression then men. Without help from a therapist/psychologist and even at times with help from a licensed individual, depression can last weeks, months, or years. Typically, the signs of depression are ignored because women feel that is an effect from the day to day living. In actuality, it is much more than cause and effect of daily living. https://www.psycom.net/depression/depression-in-women.

As women, we have to come to the realization that we can’t do it all. We look at our grandmothers and think that she did it with no problems. We look at our mothers and think she did it with no problems. We say to ourselves, ” if they did, I can too. I don’t have to have help. If I ask for help, I will be looked at as weak. Aren’t women supposed to be able to do it all?” What we may not know is that grandma and momma might have been exhausted and cried at night when she was alone to herself. This is why having a village is important. I don’t care if you are a single mom, married woman, married with children, divorced, or divorced with children. We all need a village.

For me, my village is my children, my parents, siblings, my therapist, some family and friends that I can’t imagine not having in my life. Some people aren’t blessed to have relationships with their children, parents, siblings, certain family members, or friends. Who is your village?

Your village is people that you can depend on to take the kids to soccer practice. Your village is people that will take kids to gymnastics. Your village is people that you can depend on when you need a listening ear. Your village is people that will not judge when you say I am weak. Your village is people that will help you and take your kids to the movies when need a break. Your village is people that you can go to the Mexican restaurant, laugh all night, and have some margaritas to unwind. Your village is people that will pray with you when you can’t seem to pray for yourself. Your village is your support when you have distanced yourself because you are depressed but don’t know it. Your village is people that check on you when they notice you aren’t yourself lately. Your village is people that never give up on you even though you say you are ok. Your village is people that it is ok to ask for help.

As women, we need to remove the stigma that we have to do it alone. Just because you ask for help, it doesn’t make you weak. In actuality, it makes you strong because you are taking care of yourself. It’s perfectly ok to have alone time to yourself and not feel bad about it. This is why it is important to identify your village.

Even though my children are grown, I can contact my village and have them to pray for my children. My village will pray for me. My village will text me when I am feeling sad and put that smile on my face. My village will FaceTime me and say I haven’t seen your face lately. My village will let me send them “book” text messages and read it in its entirety. My village will allow me to be vulnerable when I have worn a smile on my face all day long.

To my village, thank you. I can’t do life without you! You are appreciated!!!!!