“To my children, with love”

Every time that I write, I feel that it is always from the heart. Each time that I write, I feel that it makes me go to a deeper depth, but I think this one is most personable. Today is Mother’s Day, and I’m thankful to be a mother. Being a mother, it is not a title that I take lightly. It is a honor to be a part of this “special club.”

I am the mother of three adult children. I have two daughters and one son. Their names are Destinee, Shania, and James Carston, IV. If you have been following me through the years, I discussed my divorce. When I got divorced, I had to leave the marital home. I missed living with them the last teenage years of their lives. There were many nights that I cried because I felt that I missed out on certain moments. It was times that our relationship was estranged, but I am thankful for them being adults. God restored our relationship with my children, and I am thankful each day that He did.

We have a group text. A few weeks ago, Shania sent me these memes and asked me to answer them. When I read them, I said whew. These are deep, but I want to honor her request by doing this blog post this morning. Here I am today and happy to oblige her request.

What is the happiest memory of my children? For Destinee, my happiest memory of her is her strength. I will never forget the day I received a call from her. Destinee was attending Delta State University. She only had one year left of school. Unbeknownst to me, she was in an abusive relationship. She called me and asked me could she come home. I said, “sweetheart, you can always come home.” That day, Destinee made a decision for her. She packed up her things and moved back to Tupelo. A lot of people would think that she was crazy for changing schools on her last year. Due to the transfer, she lost a lot of hours, but that was ok. Destinee showed strength and courage. I am proud of her for putting herself first.

My second daughter is Shania. My happiest memory of her is her independence. I’d never moved from MS, but I wanted them to leave if that is what they desired. That saying “be careful what you wish for” is true. Shania took it to heart. Even when she was younger, Shania told me she wanted to live out of state, and that’s what she did. I remember taking her to the airport when she left MS for the first time. I was very sad because a mom never wants their child to be away from home, but I was proud of her for not being afraid to explore what other things were in the world. I can’t count how many times she’s moved since then. ☺️I can say that each time she has moved it has been an elevation.

The baby is my son, Carston. My happiest moment with him was standing on the field on senior night at Itawamba High School. He had played football from pee wee. That night, the parents were called onto the field with the players. I know you’re probably thinking that I’m his mom. Why would I not be on the field? Honestly, I didn’t know because we were not close at the moment. It was his choice as to whom he would allow to be on the field with him. I was at work, and he called me to tell me about the night. I was glad to stand on the field with my son for all the stadium to hear my name being called as his mother.

What was the nicest thing that I ever done for you?

For Destinee, the nicest thing she did for me was her forgiving me. Destinee is my oldest child. I was a teenage mother. Also, as the oldest, she was the oldest to understand the mistakes that I made as a mother. There are things that I wish that I could take back in life, but we can’t rewrite life. The only thing we can do is learn from the mistakes and move on. I am thankful for the love and forgiveness that Destinee has shown onto me.

Shania.. The nicest thing she has done for me is make me a grandmother. ☺️ I have always heard about being a grandmother, and I thought it was not true what people say. It really is TRUE!!!! I love being a grandmother. It is an amazing feeling. When I am having a bad day, Shania will send me a picture or video of Mason. When I see his handsome face, it takes all my worries away. Mason makes me want to be in the best health that I can be because I want to see him grow old and have memories with my children and him.

Carston, if you have a son, you know they become a certain age and they are not as communicative as girls. Most guys do not express themselves or open up. Trust me. I am one that believes in therapy and communicating. Therapy and communication is a personal journey for each individual. The nicest thing my son did for me was texting me and saying that he appreciated every sacrifice that I made for him and his sisters. He said I was the goat 😉 and his queen. That meant the world to me.

What do I want or wish most for your kids? I would want all my children to be happy. I know it sounds clique’, but it’s the truth. I want them to be surrounded by people that love and support them. It can be family or friends that become family.

All of my children are special and unique in their own way. If traveling around the world makes one happy, travel. If finding the perfect job for you makes you happy, go find it. If being a stay at home mother makes you happy, stay at home with my sweet grand baby.

I want them to be at peace with whatever decision makes her/him happy. I do not want them to live life with regrets. Life will have its ups and downs. I want them to embrace every mistake they make. The things that I have experienced in life made me stronger. I no longer look at things as failures. I say that life is either a lesson or a blessing. I want them to think the same. I want them to live life with no regrets.

I was not the traditional domestic mother. I was focused on my career. My children didn’t wake up to hot breakfast in the morning. A lot of times, the dinners were fast food. Some of that was due to the children’s extracirrulicar activities, and some of it was due to me not liking to cook.

I grew up with a working mother. She and my father had eight children. She had to work. My mom worked for the City of Tupelo for thirty years. She made a name for herself. One that makes me proud to be her daughter. I wanted to emulate the same thing. I wanted to climb the corporate ladder at the bank. By trying to climb that corporate ladder, it made to where there were moments that I missed with my children. I was out volunteering. I wanted to be seen that I was worthy of promotion.

Eventually, I was promoted several times throughout the years. At one point, I was a branch manager. Promotion, volunteering, and trying to climb the corporate ladder came with sacrifices. I wasn’t always the happiest person to be around. Before I started therapy, I took a lot of things out on my children. Working in corporate America (bank in the South), it was more acceptable for White males to be in leadership. Here I was a younger Black woman in management. It was not accepted by a lot of customers and even some coworkers. I brought my frustrations and anger home. I did a lot of yelling at my children. I wish that I was doing therapy then. I didn’t start therapy until May 2012. Often times, I wonder if I had therapy what kind of mother would I be. I wonder how the divorce would have gone. I can’t dwell on the shoulda, woulda, coulda’s. Instead, I focus on what we have now. I’m thankful for the relationship that I have my three adult children. We can have honest and tough conversations. They can ask me anything, and I will give them a honest answer.

Sooo this question is the hardest question of them all. The writer and English teacher in me, I can’t just say one thing. ☺️😂 I know that one day I will no longer be here on earth with my children. When they think of me, I want them to smile and be happy. I want them to remember the sacrifices I made. I want them to remember my love for the beach. I want them to remember my love for sunrises and sunsets. I want them to remember my love of traveling. I want them to remember my love my reading, writing, and photography. I want them to remember that therapy and God helped me to become a healed woman. I want them to know that I always tried my best. Lastly, I want them to know that there are not enough words in the dictionary to express my love for them. They are and will be forever my babies. 🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾